Time, those years

In 2011, my favorite song was Walk. I remember that one day when I was doing extracurricular activities, I stood in front of the windowsill of the classroom, with headphones in my hands, and my voice was louder. The hysterical scream poured into my ears like water, and suddenly there was a feeling of leaping into the sky. The smell of locust flowers outside the window is strong and fragrant, and wind energy lifts hair. It was April, the season of blooming flowers. At that time, I was in senior three. I know that for those distant and clear memories, maybe in some afternoon in the future, it will arouse a wind full of joy because of its existence. But I also understand that the thin, humorous and rooster boy will never appear in my world again; That who worries about love, finally, the teenager who had to consult me left forever. His name is Yan Hui, one year younger than me. With uninhibited eyes and smiles. He likes to use the word degeneration. His skin is dark, and he is also the target student in the teacher’s eyes. Of course, the target student means that he has good grades and is hopeful to enter a key university. When I just entered high school, I thought his name was nice, but because of his good study, I didn’t plan to pick him up. Because at that time, I thought there was an inexplicable pride in the bones of good students, and there was no reason to enter. I was introverted. I didn’t talk for a long time. I like silence and daze. I also like walking with my head down, kicking stones on the road with my feet while walking, and looking at everything in the world with my sinking eyes. I remember that the sky was very blue at that time, and the dark blue color was full of loneliness and guilt. Until one day, he Yan returned to the same table. He smiled and said, “Happy cooperation. His smile makes me feel that he is very close. I also followed his silly smile. At that time, high school had been running for a year. Later, we shared more and more topics. First we talk about learning, then we talk about the future, and sometimes we talk about love crazily. I remember one time when I was in class, I didn’t know what we were talking happily and was directly criticized by the teacher. Later, we became good friends. Inseparable. In fact, I have always admired him. I admire his determination and courage. Yan Hui said that he had fallen in the darkness in the first year of senior high school, and he would like to have someone to save him at that time, although he himself could not save himself. Because he was obsessed with the Internet, the Internet became the support of his spiritual world. He said he was deeply addicted to that kind of virtual happiness. However, later, it was his love that saved Yan back. He said that he made an appointment with her to go to Nanjing University. Therefore, Yan Hui came out of the virtual world for love. When Yan Hui said these things, I remembered Zhang Xiaoxian’s words: we are afraid of time, but we don’t know how happy it is to live. We think survival is boring, but many people are struggling between life and death. When will we be grateful for everything we have? This sentence will give me infinite power for a long time. When a person is struggling on the edge of decadence, the darkness will come like a flood all over the sky. At that time, his soul was entangled by the fate that he couldn’t get rid of. That kind of despair, that kind of collapsed despair was like a burst of black wind tearing people’s heart through the hall, and then fell down, I had been falling down until I forgot the way back and those warm people and things. However, the power of love is great, which is beyond our imagination. It pulled a child lost in the night to the light. On that day, Yan Hui wrote a sentence in QQ space: I am finally going to struggle now, passing through, falling down, and finally going to act. There are a lot of reluctant people, always be enthusiastic about your dreams! I came back with Yan every break. When walking out of the building, Yan Hui pointed at a handful of thick smoke over the distant paper mill and said with interest, “Look, that is all the symbol of freedom, which is not like us, it is really a great sorrow to be deprived of the freedom of life here. When saying this, Yan Hui would point at it with his left index finger. Then, we go to fantasy, fantasy free life. Most of them imagine the life in university, and most of them are romantic love stories in university. I remember that it was an extracurricular activity. We were wandering around the campus, and then we talked about ideals, future and love. Yan Hui said: save, I will open a big company in the future. I will hire you to be my military adviser and I will not be your military adviser. When you have a company, my company will be finished, at that time, I will have no money to use, and then, if you have no money, just come to me. I ridiculed him like this. Then we smiled against the sunshine over there. The words written by Yan Hui are very beautiful. It is not that kind of weak rule, but a kind of defiant arrogance. The passion that a young teenager should have is revealed between them. One word Yan Hui likes is killing. I don’t know what kind of word killing is in his concept. In short, when difficulties are in front of me, yan Hui will use the strength that looks like the whole body to write a big flying killing word with a red pen. Then I looked at it in a daze and asked me how I wrote it. Yan Hui, why is it a killing word? Because the killing words are full of my strength. Then why is it red again? Because red represents passion. At this time, the sunset would dye his left face red through the window. Yan Hui likes listening to songs and is passionate. He likes to make his voice louder when listening to songs. Yan Hui said that this could retrieve his feeling of junior high school. Passionate. It was a beautiful day, and it was still Saturday. Yan Hui and I were wandering aimlessly on the street. The DJ of “sincerity comes first” was shocked in a video store on the street. Yan Hui shouted excitedly at me, so cool! Too cool! We all use MP3 to listen to songs, but neither Yan Hui nor I have MP3, which is usually borrowed from others. Because at that time, buying MP3 was a luxury that others could not understand. We are all born in rural areas, and children in rural areas are doomed to shoulder heavier missions than children in urban areas. And these are not understood by children in the city, and there is no need to understand. He Yan is happy to be my deskmate again. Remember that we set goals for ourselves every day. Yan Hui often said which part to finish today and then which part to watch. I will respond to it, OK, I must finish it today. Then we will talk about the sky and fantasy unrealistically. When the time of the day was about to be finished unprepared, we were like urchins waking up from sleep. We just lived in the fairy tale written by ourselves. Then, I started ABCD like a madman. At that time, no one could understand why we couldn’t finish talking to others. In fact, sometimes we even didn’t understand that life could still be like this. We found our other side in beautiful fairy tales, standing on the other side, I saw the gorgeous fireworks on the other side, and then jumped to the other side desperately in reality. After a long time, I felt that these had to be regarded as precious happiness. Therefore, I still carefully treasured all of them. That knows a lot of things, leaving only memories, but losing countless warmth, countless people and things that touched him. As Zichen said: Therefore, I kept a piece of legend, but the ink was dyed into wound; I used a walker to walk along the former Modao tender heart; The place I loved in my dream had changed my plain appearance, not only who was far-fetched. An Zichen is a boy living in his own world; A boy who likes words; A boy who can be desperate for his friends. The essence is full of wandering quality, and I always express my heart with words. Same like music. In my memory, the winter of 2010 was colder than in previous years. It was the winter of my senior high school. I don’t know when the snow on the playground was piled up into piles. As soon as the sun came out, it slowly melted, at that time, the Sun instantly disappeared in the clouds in the distance, and then came the biting cold wind, just like our youth years lost in the long years without paying attention. The newly melted snow water suddenly condenses into ice, which makes the Originally cold winter more cold. It was a PE class. There was little wind in the playground. Although there was sun, it was still inexplicably cold. I remember when I came to school, I went to the library to borrow the book “listening to Summer”, and shallow ink went to the classroom to read “listening to Summer”. Shallow ink was my deskmate at that time, she is also the clearest female deskmate in my memory. In fact, it was not just shallow ink who ran to the classroom alone. Many students couldn’t bear the chill and went to the classroom one after another. Zichen and I stood in the middle of the playground, listening to Zichen talking about Guo Jingming, Annie, Zhang Ailing and his (her) novels. I remembered that he talked about Guo Jingming’s “Say good night at dawn”, he talked about Yan Xu and his CDs, and he also talked about zileming’s endless wandering. Zichen said that zileming’s endless wandering made him sad, but even so, he still liked wandering. He said there were too many unstable qualities in his heart; He liked the night in the city, he walked all the way through his sadness; He liked those dazzling lights, people watching the night, or ambiguous or treacherous smiles; He liked sitting or walking alone, aimlessly, in the center or edge of the city. When Zichen said these things, I suddenly thought of the vast sky. I thought, where is the edge of the sky? Then it extended in my mind until I couldn’t imagine it any more, then I stopped suddenly, and then the sadness from the bottom of my heart spread to my whole body. Later, I was deeply obsessed with those sad words and was moved willingly. I felt heartbroken once I was moved, and then I went to pursue the next move, just like what Zichen said about wandering, he kept walking, fell down on the day when he couldn’t walk, and died quietly. At that time, after reading the flower on the other shore, I was deeply concerned about the ending of silk life. Hate Anne’s ruthless and resolute pen, which easily forced silk student to a dead end. When a new day was about to begin, silk student passed away quietly. It was a kind of heartache that came from the bottom of my heart, and then slowly rose, just like a beautiful fireworks, rising, rising, and finally making a sound of sorrow, flooding into a piece in the sky, out of control. Moved by Lin Feng’s “Burning Boy”, the disaster of the Iron Horse glacier; Yu Si’s “halfway youth”, Anne’s “August is not central”, Rao Xueman’s “parting song”, guo Jingming’s “sadness flows backwards into a river” is just like Xi Murong’s “actor” said: Dear friend, I am just a actor in this life and I will always shed tears in others’ stories. On Zichen’s 19th birthday, Yan and I returned his book “The summer solstice has not arrived”. I haven’t read that book, but we know Zichen will like it. It was Gray that day. It was not very cold, but the wind was blowing. The sound of the wind could be heard. In the afternoon, we went to the bookstore after school. We walked out of the school and could see the playground of the school. We still remembered that Huang Shi on the playground surged forward one by one with the wind blowing, and finally swallowed the whole school. Yan and I went back to the bookstore for a long time and didn’t know what to choose. The bookstore owner was a middle-aged man with disgusting attitude. Finally, we chose Guo Jingming’s “The summer solstice has not arrived”. The book is hardcover genuine, and the cover of the book is dark green with simple patterns outlined by light lines. We passed it on to him during the evening self-study, and there was a birthday card written by light ink to Zichen. Of course, I couldn’t remember the content clearly. The day before Zichen’s birthday, he wrote in QQ space: Say goodbye to his depraved days and strive forward and upward. Care about everyone who cares about himself, cherish everyone who is worth cherishing, and hold simple happiness in hand. I do not desire others’ giving and encouragement, but only hope that it is worthy of myself. I know his happiness is words. In more days, what we have written in our works are not energy, current or 87, or sin,cos or why, because. This is the miserable life in high school. Although it is boring, it is a fact that no one can get rid. But sometimes the suffering is sad. For example, one day at noon, shallow ink told me that she didn’t expect her father to say to her: I have provided your brother, and it’s up to you whether you read or not. When she said this, I saw her eyes different from usual. Although I knew that this was just a way for her father to excite her, I somehow read a heart which was already overwhelmed from her eyes. Perhaps, this is the weakest change for a person in the accumulation of years. One day, the Chinese teacher asked us to leave no trace of birds according to the sky, but I had already flew over to write another metaphor. I clearly remember the sentence written in shallow ink: Meteor has crossed the sky, but I have burned. At that time, I was thinking about the intention of her saying this sentence. I don’t know whether she just said such a sentence casually or really had ulterior motives, but these are riddles that can’t be revealed for my whole life now. Shallow ink used to be a sunny and beautiful girl. She kept a big smiling face every day. When walking, she lowered her head and walked fast, as if looking for a long-lost secret. She said it was because now she had learned to hide her edge, endure, compromise and become alienated, just like what she said: she felt that all the good things were hiding away. Some things made her change, lost a lot, and understood a lot. When shallow Ink said these things, his expression was indifferent and he couldn’t see any clue at all. I also instantly understood that no one in life could do whatever he wanted with a happy attitude, enduring for a long time. It was just that her quiet posture vaguely involved some emotions in the bright days of the sky, secretly tearing pain. However, she is still insisting and struggling. I am very happy that she is trying to encircle her increasingly narrow space with her mind in the collapsed corner of the world. She is still insisting.

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