Sighs

I haven’t made any money for many years. For seven years, I have been wandering in this city all day long. I am familiar with every corner of this city, seeing buildings getting higher and higher, and the distance between buildings getting narrower and narrower, the sunshine is getting less and less, but the accommodation provided for me is getting less and less. I have lived in the bridge opening, the tail building and the bench in the park. I go out of the day and fall down at night, but I have nothing to do with each other. In the past two years, somehow, urban management always harassed me, making me uneasy. This city makes people feel more and more insecure, but I have no place to go. I was born here. Where can I go if I am not here? Wandering also needs skills and physical strength. I’m not lazy, but I’m almost out of physical strength. I’m tired and hungry. I haven’t begged for a piece of bread for two days, people seem to have made an agreement together. I don’t blame these kind citizens for not giving a little love. I used to be one of them. Why should I give my bread to a stranger? And he is a person who makes people avoid it? I lay on the grass by the river, holding a tender grass in my mouth, imagining myself to be the hero of films and TV plays, with handsome hairstyle, white skin and neat clothes, with a beautiful girl beside me, I really admire myself. I can still think about these flowers and plants with my hungry chest sticking to my back. However, the fact is far more wonderful than imagined. Twelve years ago, I was also one of the parts of the city that got rich first. I was smart and wise, and I also read a lot of books. Therefore, it was very easy for me to complete the first step of my life. I bought my own house when there were not enough buildings; The road was still wide, not as crowded as now, my car was as free and smooth as a fish entering the sea, cheerful and bright; I married the most beautiful girl in this city as my wife, and I was obedient to me without a year, he gave me a son with the same eyebrows and eyes as me. At that time, the whole city looked at me with their faces raised up, and I, I also took care of this city with a hundred times of confidence. When I was riding a horse and waving a whip to a higher goal, an accident made me lose all my property, all my intelligence and wisdom can no longer help me. The books I have read have become tools for me to talk evil words, I used the cursing words I have seen from books and books vividly, and people began to walk around me, my beautiful wife and eyebrows look like my son looking at me with strange eyes every day, angry and timid fate seems to forget my existence and never come to visit me from now on, I felt depressed. In order to fill my stomach, I began to sell my remaining family property. The family property that I had struggled for several years went into my flat stomach bit by bit. When I was ready to sell my last residence, a divorce book kept me out of the door. My wife, who was obedient to others and admired by others, drove me out, like driving a lazy dog with thick sores. My Wandering life is also very difficult, because I am a newcomer and always bullied by old vagrants. I was not so skinny at that time as I am now. When my life was good, although I was well-fed, but I also don’t forget the maintenance of the lever dumbbell. The strength is not very strong. It is more than enough to deal with several tramps. Finally, I defended the dignity of my tramps with my fists. There was a period of time when I went to find the two small bungalows left by my dead parents in the countryside, but I couldn’t find the village for the first time. The village disappeared without reason, when my parents were alive, I would accompany them once a year. Therefore, I was familiar with this village just like I was familiar with my school, and it was impossible to make a mistake. A big village in my impression is now a big pond with no sign of being crowded. I wandered around the pond again and again, and I caught a person and asked, people looked at me like an idiot and saw my sun rising higher and higher. Although the sun in spring was still harmonious, but I still felt impatient and hot. I was still wearing a big cotton-padded jacket in winter. This cotton-padded jacket was picked in a garbage can on the coldest day of this winter, I envied my colleagues like me that day, which made them run towards the trash can every day. Now this cotton-padded jacket has become a burden. It seems that there are thousands of pounds of heavy pressure on me, which makes me unable to breathe. I think, I am dying, and I can no longer see the future of this city, I won’t drink that bowl of mengpo soup when I can’t see the sun and rain crossing the Naihe bridge every day. I think I still miss the world.

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