Banishment banishment Japanese

Late at night, a little bit of thoughts came into my mind. I thought a lot of things or things, and it seemed that I didn’t think deeply about anything. I hadn’t written a diary for a long time, and I felt a little numb when facing the keyboard and screen, I want to say a lot, but I don’t know where to start. I find that I can’t find a suitable word to describe my mood, and I can’t find a song to sing through my heart. I used to think how free and easy I was, but when I faced it, I understood the entanglement in my heart. Time passed quietly at my fingertips, and I gradually understood why I always liked the distance, but no matter what I thought in my heart, my steps are always moving towards the opposite direction of my heart step by step. I once said: walking in the opposite direction…….! A friend said: Even if you are opposite, you can still go to the origin, because the Earth is round! That really gave me a belief, but now I find that I can’t reach the Origin even how round the Earth is. Open 08 year diary, I realize my ideological decadence, and courage sharpens, simple lost, complex diversification. I felt a little bit numb in my heart. I was ready to compromise on the spur of the moment to make a choice without credibility, but in the end I tossed the coin many times, because at that time, I felt that the thought in my heart was not the first choice of coin, so I asked whether there was God’s will and destiny in this world. If there were these so-called things, so no matter how many times I toss the coin, the choice will not change, but as a result, the more times I toss the coin, the more changes it will be, my choice in my heart finally defeated the so-called Heavenly choice that I gave to coins. Someone once told me to start from the beginning, but the subway I took had already started in advance, leaving the starting station and heading for the terminal station. How could I turn back and take it again? Even if one day I took the same subway on the same route, the time was not the one that could tick every minute. Sometimes when a person is quiet, he really wants to change a little, but I don’t know why I always find so many lies when I shake and prepare to re-examine myself, after a semi-formal love, I am completely afraid of feelings. Even if someone who is suitable or good in my opinion enters my world, I will try my best to run, the pain of losing after owning always gives me a cruel warning when I am happy. I don’t know whether I really love it or not. I often ask myself what kind of life I want, what kind of life will make me happy? However, intuition tells me that happiness is not to find a rich man who can support his belly, nor to compromise and pursue casually. In this power world where actual inequality calls for equality between men and women, I seem to see happiness is living a simple but warm life with the people I love. I don’t know whether I think childish or not, but I feel that happiness equals a family and mutual trust, holding each other, striving for the same goal together, being able to share happiness and suffering, no right and wrong, no doubt, no malicious disputes… or happiness equals to realizing one’s dream, even if dreams are so small and insignificant in others’ eyes. But the reality was so lucky for me that I lost the person who thought I would share the joys and sorrows with myself for a lifetime. Unexpectedly, after cheating me, I even hugged another woman in my arms and said that I loved me, asking for forgiveness! I couldn’t believe the drama of pure love that I thought ………. people often told me that it was time to marry a man. Marriage is an indescribable entanglement and fear for me. I have to ask myself whether I have the conditions to be a wife and a mother. I am afraid, I am afraid that if I don’t have my own job and career, I will become a slave under men’s knees and become a parasites of men. I am afraid that the money that is so small to buy vegetables should be spoken and approved to men, I am afraid that I have a wedding cigarette without love, and I am afraid that I cannot afford the superior living and learning conditions for future children. Sometimes I think these thoughts are extreme and naive, and there are some legendary money worship, but my childhood and young life have been so miserable, how can I tolerate the next generation to continue to be miserable? I have gone through a dramatic love. How can I tolerate the wedding cigarette that can last for a lifetime? Some people say that I am very strong and overbearing …… life is long for decades, and also short for decades. If I am not strong, who will be far-fetched for me?

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