Those years

A long time ago, a friend told me that his biggest dream was just to be secretly loved by someone he had a crush on. Up to now, I have already broken contact with that friend, but I was surprised secretly that I remembered such a sentence so clearly, and I didn’t know whether his biggest dream had been realized. Life will never be like a movie, which is full of regrets and uncertainties. We have the shadow of male and female protagonists in the movie, but we may not have the ending like them. Suddenly I want to know what are you doing at the age of 17? Because when my friend said that to me, we were all 17 years old. At that time, were you in love at the beginning? Is it because that girl is struggling to fall asleep? Did you kiss her face and think you can stay with her forever? After so many years, after going through the university, we are about to graduate, and after reading so many stories of betrayal and separation, can we still swear for one person as before? Is the oath you said most seriously and muddled at that time precious, or is the oath you said to those who are hard to find after several years of wandering and struggling? I never got the answer to this question. In that year, you always complained about the poor food in the canteen, the endless homework and the occupation of PE classes by the head teacher. You liked someone that year. Maybe she was not good-looking and her grades were not as outstanding as Shen Jiayi. Maybe you liked her just because she smiled and said something to you at the school gate that day, that’s how you like it. In that year, you ran around for her birthday but didn’t let her know quietly; In that year, you talked with her on the phone until dawn. In fact, you were so sleepy that you couldn’t open your eyes; that year when you sent her home, she told you that we would be good friends for a lifetime, right? Shengsheng suppressed your confession. You always deliberately make all kinds of encounters in school, trying to make her feel that you are destined fate; You always pass notes to whisper belonging to you through half a class; when you hear the gossip about you in the class, you pretend to be angry but secretly happy that your names can be linked together. But then what? Maybe you started this relationship, maybe you didn’t, maybe there was another person around her, or maybe you spent your love with each other in your youth, but you didn’t get together. At that time, I always thought that I could be together after graduation, but when I really graduated, I couldn’t find any reason to be together. At a classmate party later, you finally told her that I liked you very much at that time. She stared at you and nodded hard and said, “Yes, me too. But you just smiled when you got the answer, I can’t tell whether I am sorry or sad in my heart. Time is a thief. I’m sorry that none of you can go back. You think she must have understood the time machine you ordered, and you think she must have heard the thank you in your heart, goodbye. After the news that “those years” was put on the screen came out, that friend even talked to me about the book that he secretly read in class at that time, and now it should be made into a movie. At that time, I never understood what Shen Jiayi said: There are many things in life that are useless, but we still have to experience. An instant already 4 years, year after year time flies to than to faster. After graduation, she went back to her alma mater. The previous classroom was still having classes, which was my biggest headache. The playground was crowded with people on the basketball court; Boys and girls were whispering secretly in the corridor; Canteen, conference room, the Red teaching building, everything is as usual. I suddenly realized that another name of youth was vain. It hasn’t changed all the time. It’s just a stop we passed by. We lost it after passing by, but there will be people passing by one after another. But we couldn’t go back after passing by. We had to look at it from a distance and miss it secretly. This kind of work was in vain, just as I liked her so much at that time, just as she waited for me in the cold wind for a long time, just as we still separated in the end. We finally went to see a May Day together that year. I couldn’t stay with you when you were the saddest. That year, you said we were not young and we couldn’t be capricious any more. On that day, I went to the concert alone; On that day, Chen Xinhong sang that gentle song again; In the early morning of that day, you called me, and I suddenly missed you when I heard that you were playing there, we didn’t say anything. On that day, my friend and I stood on the playground and sighed with emotion about the old days, but saw the younger we were squatting desperately. Another vain point of youth lies in that no matter how you live, you live through cherishing your heart, crazily and bravely. When you look back later, you will always feel that what you did was not good enough. Love will come again, but most of the protagonist is not the one you loved in your youth. When old friends leave, there will be new friends filling in, but the memories of youth can only be recalled together by former classmates and old friends. The most regretful thing is that youth will never come back, and the best days are gone. But I will still pay for those movies about the old days, because youth is just a rain and a cold, but I still want to go back and get it again. Even if we know that too many things are useless, even if we know that one day we will become quiet adults, even if we know that one day my ending with her is just separation, maybe even worse, we will become strangers, but we will still do it, and we will still start that relationship. After all, you are just willing to gamble. For that person, you are willing to bet and lose. In your youth, you can meet the person who you are willing to gamble for her and accompany you when you are the most ignorant and young. How lucky you are to meet that person, then why should we give up the rights we have for fear of losing? In this world, there is no emotion that is not ridged with holes. The only difference is how you treat it. Some people are destined to only put in your heart and disappear in your life. You know from the bottom of your heart that you love him, even though you can’t remember him. Because the love is so deep that you once thought you would never forget it. Until one day you find that those thoughts accumulated in your heart unexpectedly become invisible. At least she once made me feel that meeting her was a blessing. So, where will you be in the next four years? Youth slipped away quietly when I was still thinking about what youth was. I suddenly felt that the so-called 17-year-old, that tangled 17-year-old, that lonely and passionate 17-year-old, it seems like an illusion. Maybe one day you will suddenly think of him, who once made you look forward to tomorrow, but did not appear in your tomorrow at all. When you think of your 17-year-old relationship, you suddenly laugh out. How stupid you were at that time, but how stupid you were. If you miss that person, maybe it will be the same in your life. After the ebb and ebb, and after the sadness, May Day stayed, together with my so-called dream, accompanied me through every morning and every dusk. People who have lost their fate are not easy to meet even in the same city. Memories are becoming more and more beautiful, but the old days have trapped you inside. Yes, how beautiful the past was and how embarrassed it was to live. But when you were immersed in memory, you missed one person after another. How many people do you have to miss to meet the right one. Maybe one day we will find that what we miss so much is just ourselves at the beginning. Then, how many people guard a person in the name of friends in the best time of each other? That year, a tide named youth flooded US. When the tide ebbed, I sat on the beach with my whole body wet, watching my favorite girl waving her hands hard, happily wasting on the other side of life. The next time the waves come, they will take away the beautiful footprints that girls left on the beach, but I am still there. The girl’s appearance engraved in my heart will still be there. In those years, through the bitterness and simplicity of youth, your smile scattered in my eyes through the light, no matter how many years it will take to wait for the maturity of everything, at least I have always believed that meeting you, it is the luckiest thing in my life.

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