Love Yourself

It is already early spring, but there is no warmth of spring. This winter seems to be particularly long, perhaps to render the atmosphere of the parting season. From June last year to now, I don’t know what happened. My head has been short-circuited twice. I left a scar for the first time, and I was lucky to lose some face for the second time, the result of the examination was very optimistic and there was no big deal, but there was a big shadow in my heart. I began to walk cautiously, fearing the crowded bus. I had planned to go out to explore without being admitted to the credit union, but I hesitated in front of the crowded crowd. I dared not to step out of the county where interpersonal relationship was relatively rare. In this familiar county, I do the same thing mechanically every day without goals, morale, and friends. I go to bed at 10 o’clock in the evening and get up at 7 o’clock in the morning. I cook what I want to eat after work, when I was happy, I chatted with my companions and bickered. The day passed like this. It seemed very quiet and comfortable. Sometimes I wonder whether I should live such a life or not. Do I really want to waste this wonderful time on enjoyment? Comfort is right, but now it’s comfortable, what about the future? Can it be so comfortable all the time? Can you support yourself with that little salary? Today, I am still not good at doing things and doing things. I don’t know how to deal with the relationship between myself and the people around me. I don’t know how to care about my relatives and friends, maintain self-protection carefully, don’t dare to step out of the pace of communication, afraid that you will fall into the complicated interpersonal communication accidentally. I want to be simple, without masks, constraints and freedom. I laugh when I want to laugh, and cry when I want to cry. Obviously, this is impossible. Every day I am troubled by something big or small. I always wear masks in my life and work, and dare not pour out my sufferings with my family, because I am afraid that they are worried about me and unwilling to pour out with friends, because I am afraid of disturbing their lives. Nowadays, I am just getting used to a person’s life slowly. Kong Yiji comforts me that now is just a transition, and everything will develop in a good direction.

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