Now of I

Nowadays, I am a girl who looks so ordinary that you will forget it once you see it. In this city where people are all around at a glance, you can’t find any reason for yourself to remember her. She is not an attractive girl. Men usually like people who are weaker than themselves. They prefer women who know how to compromise. She may not be beautiful enough, there is no need for deep knowledge, but she must be a gentle and lovely person. This person can Act coquettish in front of him and make any demands willfully. On the contrary, most men hope and persistently enjoy the pride and vanity brought by a woman. I am not a lovely person. I am stubborn, unruly and persistent. I don’t know whether it is time to lower my head. I know very well that people who have been with me will feel very stressful, it is a tense atmosphere, and what we need is that two people can bring a pleasant spiritual enjoyment to each other. If a person himself is depressed and quiet, then she can find a person who is willing and capable to be a bosom friend. It is a delusion that life is not evenly distributed, so I will not have any luxury imagination, no matter it is a friend, a lover, family affection, friendship, I think as long as it is something that needs emotion to manage, I have not enough energy to invest. I don’t know when I lose it, I lost it when I knew it. I know I am a nostalgic person, I like it very much and it is easy to recall, because there is something painful there, there are old things that make people know it will be very sad to open, but they still can’t help touching. Because of the pain, we have experienced it, and we are often said to be emotional people,, this so-called emotional person loses the ability of emotion and perception. I still often try to recall our past, my past, when we were together, I remember that you were really naughty, naive, and really a child, you play tricks on teachers together, fight with each other, organize small gangs and fight with each other and think you are great. You can be proud of yourself for a whole day, even if you are punished one by one by teachers and write the most troublesome review, you didn’t care at all. At that time, I didn’t understand why you didn’t care at all. How could you do it as if it had nothing to do with yourself no matter what happened? I couldn’t understand it and admired it, I like your freedom and don’t want to be constrained at all. Even if you are beaten in front of the whole class, you can still make faces behind your back and Whisper. You won’t feel humiliated or sad all day long, your smiling face is the most precious happiness I know now, It turned out that what I experienced in the age when I suffered great pain was youth. At that time, I stubbornly thought that I was a person without a good time of youth, I think at that age, we had all the things that we should be proud of and moved. We insisted on the different feelings that everyone insisted on. Everyone seemed to be looming, I don’t know what I want, but I just pay all my own Price to explore and try in the drifting years. We don’t know what we have on Earth, I don’t know what adults say is important. In fact, we have nothing, so we are so brave to do whatever good or bad things we can think of, right or wrong, maybe, if you didn’t have so many concerns at the beginning, as brave as your naughty deskmate who didn’t learn, and didn’t care at all, you wouldn’t miss it now, because we still have unfinished wishes, there are also bad things that have not been done and stories that have not ended. So, now, what about me. Many times I was thinking about my classmates, teachers, the PE classes we had together, the grocery store at the door, and many people walked out of the garage with bicycles after school, I remember that I was the happiest when I was out of school every Friday night. I would not laugh when I was happy, because I saw groups of boys and girls around me laughing and chatting loudly. At this time, no one would reprimand these innocent children, because they would feel happy if they didn’t have to hurry to do their homework at home this night. In my memory, there was no wind on Friday afternoon, and everything seemed so quiet, it seems that even time wants to leave this moment to each of us. The Sun on the west side of the road has the most beautiful color of the day. Under the deep red in the evening, there are boys riding bicycles with their hands off the target, it is the boys who show off in front of the girls, the boys who are very natural and unrestrained every day, I enjoy quietly, under the setting sun, there are you, there are me, the annual rings of time walk in our limited succession with smiles, but we don’t know the happiest one in childhood. In fact, we have very precious things, there, in the past place, we can see the smiling faces of all people, those who love me, those who love me, those who chase us, those who dare not express themselves, Those who wish silently, we are all here and never leave. Today, somehow, on a whim, I found the name of a former friend on the internet. It turned out to be that person. I never thought of trying to remember your appearance again, I didn’t think about how to expose our long-standing indifference until I saw your photo. I thought that person was quite like you. Then, I was sure that there was still Sassoon, the person with round big face is really you. Now you seem to be more feminine, or that I can be sure it is you. It has been a long time, and I thought I would not recognize you, it is impossible to look at each other’s eyes face to face. In fact, looking at you who are familiar and uncertain on the computer, there is no fluctuation in your heart, no tension, no excitement, no touch. Seeing you now, at that time, my thoughts didn’t come back to the time when we were together. Our time together seemed to be frozen, Dusty in places that I can’t touch, I read your words, the journal you reprinted, your school, your classmates, and gradually recognized in my long-expected thoughts, gradually, I was sure that I didn’t want to have any more involvement with you, so I cleared away the involvement without premeditated, no nostalgia, no attachment, therefore, I am still not lucky for you any more. It seems that we are really not people in the same world. We have different identities, not people from the same angle. I didn’t enter before, so I didn’t have enough reason to deny it until at an unexpected moment, we understood the identities held by each other, and then we wouldn’t disturb anyone and turned back quietly, continue to look for the marks printed by yourself. He, a friend from childhood to adulthood, his father and my father are classmates, so he and I are classmates, and they are proud people who want to show themselves all the time, just like his father, for a long time, his pride couldn’t leave him. Even though, from childhood to adulthood, no one admitted that this seemingly arrogant pride became taller and became a big boy and mature, the elder had a clear beard. After watching the Spring Festival Gala in their school, he seemed to find the dignity he could show. He sang on the stage and still loved to show and grab the camera, the unchanged pride and pride made me laugh casually as before. I could feel the moment when my mouth twitched. Now, he seems to be doing well and he is originally an optimist, boys like him who are not proud of themselves are always people who can adapt to the new environment quickly and show themselves in the best state. Therefore, no one will worry that people like him will live a bad life. I believe you, believe you, and see it. I really can’t have no emotion in my heart. I can’t still think that I don’t know like yesterday, don’t understand. Each of us has our own identity. In the past, present, and future, we thought we knew everything and had nothing. We had the most precious thing, only when we are gone and left, that happy or sad time will become history when you miss it, and become the silent past in our mouth, it turns out that we have grown up. When a person feels that it is still the best time to be a child, he is already close to getting old. He can relieve many things that we once cared about and calmly face accidents every day, we are no longer in the original place. We can’t stay in the same place all the time. We will leave at any time. Perhaps, it depends on when we start to feel sad. Tonight, walking on the road with Nocturne on campus, I asked myself, If I die tomorrow, how will you spend the remaining few hours. If I would leave tomorrow, I would still study at night, learn Japanese, fetch water, stretch my arms and legs to lose weight, brush my teeth and type on the Internet as usual tonight, maybe you will find a movie you want to watch or a long TV series you have seen before, and then have a good sleep. Not a bit different from. I asked myself, if you still have one week, what would you do. If I die seven days later, I won’t be reluctant to buy a set meal of four yuan and two vegetarian dishes for lunch. I must eat what I want to eat every day, let me feel satisfied with the filling of food every day, enjoy the pure taste, and then continue my life quietly. If you still have one month? Hesitation, short hesitation, but I still don’t want to deceive myself. I want to go back to that place, look, listen to familiar dialects, look at familiar or unfamiliar people, and know that it is a kind feeling, go to the place where she works and lives, find her, She won’t recognize me. She can only feel it with a short period of time when she goes to all the places she says she will go to in the future, such as prairie, Watertown and living, I will spend all the living expenses I have saved, and I will not wander lonely at night in Shanghai where I first met in winter, without any shelter. What I imagined in my heart was to find classmates and friends when I was young, just like everyone who had friends and past, to get together, to talk about the past, to talk about the present, to talk about everything we can think of, to be imagined, wish, or disappointment or nostalgia, go to primary school, never forget, the day I graduated from primary school said in my heart, I will definitely come back to see you, teachers, classmates, and memories, go to junior high school, through every familiar window painted with green paint, when listening to the voice of students reciting texts, teachers must scold them, otherwise, Just like the incomplete map of China, when you look at the blue sky, the sound of the wind, the clouds full of reverie in each place, your heart will be soft, find someone, it must be you who used to be. Let’s go to the small shop with all our happy memories, buy a lot of food, a bicycle, you are in front of me, on the road, we are presumptuous, proud, free, they are happy children. Allow you, miss home, miss the dishes she cooked, miss the big bed with koala pattern, classmates, neighbors, trees, stones on the road ,, too many, almost all of my past, it’s all me now.

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