Clear

The weather is very depressing, just like the mood I used to have. A little tired, a little painful, because I didn’t want others to find my vulnerability, but pretended to be strong. Stop the tears, let the depressed feeling manyan. I remembered the black memories in those gloomy times, which covered the beauty cruelly without seeing what color happiness was. It is said that most people who like words are sad. Yes, words and sadness always hug each other tightly. Even if at some point I decided to throw it away and live a good life, my nose was still sour when I lifted the pen again. I was afraid to pick it up and let it express my feelings, but I didn’t know what to rely on except it? My life is always shuttling between heaven and hell. There are not many happy times, but countless sad things. Others cannot understand my expression, others cannot understand my story, so they cannot understand my happiness and sorrow. I am not a storyteller, and I don’t need to explain. Because I know, people can only save themselves. At noon, my brother said he ate a chicken wing when he saw it. He thought it was salty, but unexpectedly it was spicy. Uncle asked him: Who told you that you couldn’t stand the temptation? He replied: because it is chicken wings. Yes, life is like this. There are many temptations like chicken wings. We always have no reason to approach it. When we approach it, we are full of expectation, but when we touch it, we are covered with bruises. Imagination is different from reality. Only through personal experience can we understand what to pursue and what to abandon. I will always remember that day, February 17th, 2012. In school, my heart was broken. I really didn’t have the courage to live. It was my roommate who gave me a hug, my classmates wiped away my tears, and my teacher taught me to be strong. However, I finally left them and school, and decided that I would never go back. I bought a one-way ticket and came to Sanya, a place so far away. Hainan is my dream place. I used to dream of going far away, but now I finally come. This is my own journey, my own pursuit, and I became a dream Hunter. But this dream is no longer another dream. Life is like this. No one can predict what the future will look like. I thought my family would not want me, but in the text message, my father said: My daughter is so far away, my father is really reluctant, you will go to the society, and people’s thoughts and experience will gradually mature, dad believes that Li will seize the opportunity to create a better life. It turned out that my father would be reluctant to give up me and always encouraged me. A father who doesn’t use too many words to express his feelings is so distressed about his daughter. And my uncle who was always very dignified in my eyes, I dared not say anything more in front of him, but every time I rebelled, I would run to Shangrao, and he would teach me how to do and give me warmth. Let me say: what can I do for you? Although I shook my head, my heart was filled with gratitude. And the mother who never knew how to send text messages took a long time to type a few words. How is her daughter living there? It was sent to me. I was moved by only a few words. I knew that my mother spent a lot of efforts to achieve it. It was a love. Yes, no matter what, relatives can always understand the pain of children and always hope that children can live a good life. Although sometimes there will be blame and criticism, I still feel distressed. For so many years, I dare not admit that I have grown up. I still live in a world that needs human protection. But who will accompany you to the end of your life? My parents always grow old. I think the only one who can accompany myself to the end may be myself. Today, I came back to the office after lunch. When I bent down to help Tong carry the schoolbag, she looked at me naively and said to me: Sister, I don’t need any help, I will put my schoolbag on my back by myself. I have grown up… A sentence that I have grown up is said from the mouth of a three-year-old girl that I have never dared to say. It makes me feel so tiny that I can’t do what my child can do. Walking alone in the park, I saw a group of old people singing and dancing there. One of the songs is “if you are happy, clap your hands”. Watching them clapping their hands, the corners of their mouths rise, the happy appearance is enviable. Why are they so positive and optimistic about life? Why can’t I? In this place, there is a corner of happiness, where the breath is sweet, but I can’t absorb the depth of my soul. Is it true as mom said: people always don’t know life when they are young, and they will get old when they understand it.? Oh, wry smile. I promised to take a girl to see the sea with me before. I said I would go with her, throw all my troubles to the sea, and then have a broad mind like the sea, accommodate everything. On the night of February 29th, I went to see the sea for the first time in my life. I didn’t take her, nor did I throw away all my troubles. I, or is it me. Stubborn me, silly me, crying me. But I believe that one day, I will see through and ignore it. Seeing others happy, I don’t feel painful. Happy or unhappy, is the same expression, don’t cry or laugh.

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