Collapse of core wall

The sky is so blue that I can’t bear to see more. The wind is so warm that I hesitate to move forward. It is not because I am less curious about spring, but because my heart is filled with haze. I am afraid that I will obliterate the color that I can be proud of in this spring. I had no choice but to look at this broken wall, which was my collapsed heart wall. For so many years, I have been telling myself that I have to bear all the helpless things and live a happy life. Maybe most of the time I am cheerful, but the I am deep inside is so depressed, sensitive and fragile. I am not the kind of person who can put my sadness in the sun to dry, and I am not willing to spread my depression to others. I believe I can digest all the unhappiness by myself. I have never believed that someone can give me a fulcrum to rely on. It seems that there has never been a person who can understand me in my world, so the expectation of those young years has disappeared until now. Many people told me that it was my wrong idea. I hope I am wrong, or I hope I am really wrong. I know that most of the time I worry too much in my heart, and that dark cloud is always in my heart. In a sunny day like this, I had expected to collect more warmth, but I couldn’t let go. Those bright beauty always exist, and I believe that one day I can also truly own it. I accidentally heard a very touching and beautiful sentence. If I miss it in this life, I will no longer be there in the afterlife. I asked myself in my heart, will there really be an afterlife? For the time being, there is an afterlife, if there is an afterlife, I am not willing to recall my life, right? We missed a lot of people in a casual moment, and the right and wrong have become the scenery behind. Therefore, in the afterlife, I would like to turn into a wisp of breeze. I don’t need to rely on or think. No Depression, no annoyance. Passing, just passing, how good it would be. The warm wind is always outside, but now I am not in the mood to feel it. Listen, my dog is yelling again. It is yelling loudly towards a group of chirping birds. Maybe the birds laughed at its lack of wings? For me, a person who likes quietness and staring at the sky alone, its name is not pleasant. However, the existence of its voice has become my habit. Just like I am willing to become a wind, no matter how it blows, it has become a habit. I don’t want to repair my collapsed heart wall.

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