Struggle and disillusion

It has been more than three years since I left the public office. When I was 58 or 59 years old, I always liked to weave colorful brocade. There were swimming dragons and phoenixes, birds and sunrise, and clouds, planning the life after retirement happily, trying to get rid of decades of fatigue and heavy burden to find back the tranquil inaction that should have belonged to him long ago. Reality and facts often run counter to each other. I didn’t expect that I still couldn’t jump from the old life track muddled after retirement. Those colleagues who had been thinking about retirement for many years with their fingers in their forties all whispered to me and felt funny. They even thought that I am the old thing that wanted money or not, which made me laugh and cry. I lived a life, but I really didn’t figure out whether I was an old Zhuang who did nothing or Confucius’s benevolence and morality; A head was filled with all kinds of moral concepts, mixed into a pot of porridge, muddled, he finished his career with a shake. I can’t tell whether it is my obsession with profession or what the famous poet Ai qingqizi murmured: Why do my eyes always contain tears? Because I love this land deeply or simply as some colleagues said, it seems reasonable that I love the dozens of Chairman Mao’s head portraits. So as soon as the retirement procedure was completed, my old horse was caught in the reins, and the owner was very familiar with it, letting me run on the familiar official road. Although it is said that the old horse knows the way, and also knows where I should pull the beautifully decorated carriage behind me, the laws of nature are irresistible, from small ants to large dinosaurs, they can’t escape aging, death or the fate of the whole species completely disappearing on our planet. As a result, my legs became more and more disobedient, and the muscles also lost tension. The horseshoe nailed under my feet seemed to fall off automatically, I often feel that there is a fish bone stuck in my throat which is neither stretching nor turning out of breath. I sweat profusely when I run a little faster. I finally understand what is beyond my ability. Different from the experienced traditional Chinese medicine practitioners who are also called freelancers, we can sit on the comfortable cushion with silver beard and white hair, pinching the patient’s wrist with three fingers, looking, hearing and asking, it looks like an old God is here. However, I, an old man with 40 years of teaching experience, must squat on the same starting line with young people who just stepped out of college. In the PK of experience and energy, the former is often at a disadvantage, under the measurement of the ruler of exam scores, I am often inferior to those who are not wet behind the ears, which often makes me ashamed. I can no longer summon those lost lamb at the top of my voice, nor can I interpret the true meaning of “encouraging learning” with a magnetic voice, under the standard of new curriculum reform designed by experts in those study, I can’t even use singing and dancing to direct those young boys and girls who have been less than me for half a century, they can take delight in the plots of A Dream of Red Mansions and the romance of the Western Chamber that love to death, while those lingering love words have long gone away from me. It can be said that the surroundings of middle school students are all surrounded by the flood of love. The phenomenon of puppy love has shocked people, and no matter how powerful the fire team is, there is nothing to do. The soft love songs of popular singers are all stored in MP3, which has been popularized to almost everyone, compared with Teresa Teng’s songs which were said to be decadent in those years; the fashion magazines on the newsstand are either those solemn pledges of love or pure ones like Romeo and Juliet in modern times, or those words of glass of water and different thoughts; there are also those ugly pictures and videos on the Internet, which make them accept vivid sex education too early. Seeing all these things, it really makes people feel like a lifetime. We can no longer indulge ourselves in the Magic card worshiped by every family, nor can we be proud of the saying of a Q who is a teacher all day long and a father all the time. Put down your figure and walk down the altar which has not existed for a long time consciously. You are over sixty years old, and you have to make friends with your teenage students, or you will be picky in the regular academic survey, get a sad ending of being laid off and unemployed and losing your job. More than 40 years ago, I stepped on the road of teaching without hesitation in such a large city consisting of 72 crisscross roads, and I still do not regret it. However, any road has its end. If you want to walk down to the end, you can only hit the south wall with your head. Although I deeply love this land, it has to change its appearance and join the trend of the development of the times; A few portraits of Chairman Mao will not reduce our generation’s worship and love for leaders at all. Since wealth is not my wish, the imperial village cannot be expected., I just have to cherish the right time to go alone, or plant a stick to work. Deng Donggao wrote poems with Shu Xiao and Linqing flow. The.

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