阳光的故事

我的足迹只局限在长江下游,没有什么奇特值得在人前说上三天三夜的故事。我渴望能够这样,就象从混混噩噩梦的黑影里钻出来,干燥滚烫的嘴唇急想沾上牛奶的芬芳。但我每次都是失望。这不能怪我,任何人都没有理由没有权力责备。还有你们看到的,站在大家面前,我身体颤抖,神情紧张,耳根泛红,怯濡的眼睛泄露了秘密 它畏畏缩缩,飘忽莫定 我还很年青,年青得没有学会游刃有余控制好自己的情绪。当然,这你们已经知道。 我的故乡躲在皖南层层密密山林一个半山腰上。我不明白祖先为何要把家园安置于此,交通不便,信息闭塞,有许多人忙忙碌碌生活一辈子也没见过柏油马路长的啥模样。那条距村庄三十多里地的柏油马路上天天有三轮、四轮、六轮的车辆象甲壳虫 轰轰隆隆 爬行。瞑目之前能够看上它一眼见回 世面 ,也就是他们辛劳一生最大的想望了吧?我的这种推测并非源自无端,我说出这样一个事实也不希求你们马上相信,相信了也不要发什么感慨。我不求你们,只要保持沉默知道这个世界还有这么回事就行。芸芸众生灿若星辰,都在各自的轨道上放光运行,谁要要求对方做什么,谁就成了万尊之尊的上帝。但是,自从尼采临世以后,你们分享了他振聋发聩惊世骇俗的伟大发现。上帝死了。我们生存的这个宇宙不再设有他的席位。如今,连他的骨灰也被风吹散了,散得无影无踪,谁也不会讲他无所不在 而这,早是一个不争的事实。 我在第一篇小说中给祖先把家园安置在皖南山林寻找到一种可能。我说是世家大族为躲避兵匪之祸、血光之灾,逃难至此。那个时候天下大乱烽烟遍燃,正是出英雄的好时代。流亡奔难四处漂泊似乎也不失为一种壮举。尊卑富贫的巨大变迁,生死喜忧的戏剧递嬗,使祖先的生命体验丰富了,人格世界升华了。这真是可值得羡慕的事情:不仅见识过大世面,而且学会了一种恬然淡然的超脱。问世间碌碌凡俗几人能够?当然,这是我给自己的疑惑设计的一个比较满意的答案。为此我感到喜悦。我的祖先具有了历史厚度,我的不知是啥长相的祖先也满身焕发出传奇的色彩。但是,现在从贫困记忆中拿出的这个事实我很不舒服,感觉差劲透了。这并非源自事实本身,而是觉得后人与祖先的精神相距太远,简直就是两个极端。我不鄙薄后人,绝无此意。 博尔赫斯是本世纪南美洲最优秀的诗人之一。他在《循环的夜》中写下这样的诗句 我不知道我们会不会在第二个循环中回来, 就象循环小数那样重新反复; 可我知道一个毕达哥拉斯的黑夜轮回, 一夜一夜地把我停留在世界的一个什么地方。 若果历史真存在这种 循环 与 轮回 ,历史就在这种 循环 与 轮回 中向前演进,那么,我反倒无话可说了。我又一次为自己感到悲哀。我的悲哀是我在借助博尔赫斯的诗句,发现这个秘密之后。 这个秘密就是:我的祖先是循环的始点,后人处在循环的中央,我,则四顾茫茫然站立在循环的终点。终点,不正是下一循环的起点吗?闹钟的时针指在午夜,昨天的24点就是今天的0点。但是,我却无法拥有祖先那么多传奇的故事,我的生命体验很浅薄,象一大片尚未开垦的处女地,芳草萋萋鹦鹉洲。我不知该如何去拓垦。我的足迹只局限在长江下游,没有什么奇特值得在人前炫耀三天三夜的经历。我又过早地知道了超脱,学会了用文字来编织自缚的罗网。同时,我发现自己变得越来越畏怯,时时刻刻象一只将要被人赶上架的鸭子。 现在,我停留在世界的什么地方呢? 1973年2月27日清晨。这个时间在地球上50亿男男女女看来,没有几人会认为它有什么巨大而深远的意义。更何况,有意义的时间现在太多,多得象走马灯让人目不暇接眼花缭乱。谁记得那么清楚?24年前的某一天,还是清晨。你饶了我吧!我已经听到有人在大声抱怨了。没关系。我只是说说这个时间而已,并没有强求你们花费脑力记住它,更没有对你们的记不住它而有所微词。我对大家并不苛求什么,甚至一想到我对你们会有所苛求,我就深觉这是在犯罪。放心吧,我的性子很平和。我说出这个时间仅仅是它对我有意义,有异乎寻常的意义。你们眼睛非常明亮,一定看出来了,我这么叙述时语句有点罗里巴索。但是请你们原谅。因为,这个时间一旦在我平静的脑海里象白色的小岛浮起,我就心跳加快热血沸腾激动不已。 我一直认为,那天天气晴朗阳光很感染人地微笑,笑得让人心里甜滋滋的象在谈一场热火朝天灿烂辉煌的恋爱。这个美好的念头在我的记忆中象羽翼轻盈的白鸟盘旋了22年,一听到它怡悦耳目的啾啾声我就兴奋。我那傻乎乎的模样你们见了准会觉得好笑。其实,激动兴奋过后,心绪平静下来,我也觉得自己可笑。至于吗?何必呢?傻冒。可是,轻轻骂过自己之后,这种毛病还是常犯,成了改不了的积习。 我欺骗了自己22年!也许这不能算是欺骗,因为这个日子的具象我从来就没有亲眼目睹过。那个时候父亲在县人民医院妇产科的大门口来回焦躁地走动,眉宇紧紧拧成一条小川。母亲则躺在产床上咬紧牙关拼尽心力忍受着巨大的痛苦为我的诞生做着一次又一次不懈的努力。我出生的过程自己浑然无觉,我的伟大的父母却历经了巨大的灾难。而当伟大的父母松了口气脸露彼此关切的微笑时,躺在母亲怀中的我则爆响了一大串惊天动地经久不息的 哇哇 声。我哭什么呢?是受了委屈还是身上寒冷?2月27日的皖南还躺在冬天的怀抱中,山头积雪没化,从雪峰间流泻下来的寒风侵得人骨髓生疼。母亲的胸膛是温软的,象懒洋洋冬日的阳光抚在身上。我的啼哭声象涨潮似的一浪高过一浪。真不明白小小的心灵深处哪来的这么多苦难。留恋那片混沌与冥冥吗?为自己即将进入的这个世界感到恐惧吗?大家笑得越开心越满足我哭喊得越欢腾。我意识到我从暖暖的安全的家里滑落了下来,但我象个盲人我什么也看不见。外面也是暖暖的,但跟家里不一样。 眼前骤然一亮身上暖暖的我以为那天天气晴朗阳光在微笑着吻我。我嗅到了蜂蜜的气息还有浓郁的花香,就象1997年2月15日阳光明媚的午后。这个时候我在伏案写着一篇不知该称它为什么的文字。我身穿武警橄榄绿。我所在的部队驻扎在吴淞口长江边。一个半世纪前一位叫陈化成的清朝将领在此抗击英军海上入侵,浴血疆场饮弹身亡。炮舰硝烟如今荡然无存,阳光底下英雄的土地一片和平安宁。 父亲给我取了一个光明的名字。尼采曾自诩他是 太阳 ,鲁迅对他没抱什么好感,甚至对他最后的发疯觉得快意。我无须自诩。因为我名字就含 太阳 之意。《新华字典》对 旸 字是这么解释的。 1、晴天。2、太阳出来。 晴空万里一碧如洗,如此光辉充满希望的名字也许是父母对我一生的殷深祝福吧,祝福我成为命运的宠儿,愿成功象受磁石吸引的铁片纷纷向我飞来。我深深感谢我的父母。尽管现在,我不在两老身边,因为工作的缘故连春节也没有回皖南山区的家。我非常非常地想念他们。 正是那温煦舒爽的感觉以及《新华字典》关于 旸 的解释,22年来,我一直没有怀疑过。我坚执地相信并把它营造得非常美丽。1973年2月27日。一个冬天里阳光灿烂的日子。无须再去浪费宝贵的文字了,仅这 阳光灿烂 ,就足以让我产生无穷无尽光彩夺目的联想。 光以30万公里/秒的速度运行。中学物理课本里铅字这么印着。戴黑框眼镜的中年女教师在黑板上用白色粉笔这么写着,并且用红粉笔在 30万公里/秒 的下面划上一横。果然,期末考的试卷上就出现了这道填充题。 光的运行速度是/秒 。带着微微的兴奋和喜悦我在横线上面写下 30万公里 。 当然,阳光也是以每秒30万公里的高速度运行。只有在没有阻拦的高速运行中它才觉得自由、舒畅。运动,奔驰,没有牵绊没有阻碍,多么刺激多么快意!整个世界人的心灵都在阳光的奔跑中亮堂起来,欢呼起来。黑暗消散了,寒冷退缩了。一心一意往前跑哇!在恣肆的奔跑中展现你的活力,活出你的性格 但是,这是孤岛似的皖南山区。东西南北平原缓缓伸延,向遥远的天际铺漫开去。唯独在这平原之海的中央,一座接一座的山脉巍然高耸,以站立者的姿态,擎住苍天;以绵亘的山势,雄关险隘围护家园。施耐庵着的《水浒传》中接受朝廷招安后的梁山英雄为攻打方腊过,在这一带山林丢下十几位好汉的尸体。当年日寇大肆侵华,见了这里山势险恶地形复杂,也不免心生恐惧。思量再三,还是绕了过去,只用飞机在空中投下几枚炸弹。阳光是在山里诞生的,阳光想到山外去。于是,这山,重重叠叠的山脉就成了他活动的障碍,也铸成了他性格当中坚毅与忧伤的内核。他的所有诗兴由此而生。天山交接处有一扇神秘的门,打开那扇门,阳光就象长了翅膀,鸟一样向门外飞去。门外据说很精彩很无奈,但终究是别人说的,没有亲身去经历,怎知它是真还是假。 很小的时候阳光做过两件事。这两件事直到1997年的现在,阳光回想起来心中仍象有石头坠着,沉甸甸地呼吸不顺。他觉得自己这么多年来心情一直沉重没有体验过小说里描写的那种轻松愉悦的感觉,一定是在这两件事后才有的。十多年来,人世风云不断变迁,许多小时侯发生的事情早已堙没无存,但记忆印石上刻下的这两件事逾时越久,印象越深,抹不去盖不住,甚至在他后来与一位北方女孩谈恋爱时,这两件事还会象不安分的兔子从记忆深处蹦出来,睁着滴溜溜转的红眼睛,望得他心惊肉跳,情不自禁发出一声又一声的叹息。 有山必有水。山高林密谷很深,但不显宽,水位也不高。若是逢上天时不好接连几天不下雨,那水就流得可怜啦。山脚有条曲曲弯弯的小河。村里人都叫它 河 ,其实称它 溪 才更恰当。水体清澈,可以见到溪底卵石细密的螺纹,生活着许多鱼类。 黄角刺 滑溜溜的,有黑有黄,肉最香。 西斑鱼 身上黑白花纹相间,肉肥嫩;还有一种 红肚西斑 ,只在涨水时才会出现。 红鼻唇 顾名思义,鼻子和嘴唇都涂了口红,身子漂亮极了,淡蓝、深紫、雪白的鲮片错落有致,象穿了一条素淡雅致的衣裙。 夸海 一身银白,嘴巴阔大,遇到险情游动起来奇快无比;平时则呆呆地伏在石缝间,一对胸鳍微微摆动,保持身体平衡。溪里还有小虾和螃蟹,耀武扬威挥舞着铁钗,虎视眈眈,样子很吓人。夏天是捞鱼摸虾的好时候,身子埋进水里,既可免去炎阳的暴晒,又可捉鱼游泳享受天赐的乐趣。当然,也因贪玩误了做活,少不了会挨父母的鞭击和责骂。这条小溪,对夏天山里的孩童来说,永远充满了挡不住的诱惑。 白色的浮子在水面一起一落,鱼儿游到钩边一点一点地试探。食物很香,是一种身黑腹鼓的水蜘蛛。一个小男孩在溪边翻看形状各异、光溜的小石块。水蜘蛛一般就躲在石头底下乘凉。阳光蹲着身子,跟在他身后。一只水蜘蛛突然钻出来,细长的黑腿迅速跑动。阳光高兴地大叫,:哈!啊 逃哪? 手却极小心地往水蜘蛛身后围过去。水蜘蛛跑到小男孩面前,身子一缩,躲进石块底下。小男孩的左手搭在石块上,右手向石块底下摸去。阳光生气了。 是我先看到的! 拿起一块小石头,向石块砸下。他以为小男孩的手会松开,但是没有。小男孩 哇 地一声嚎叫着,捂住大拇指,痛得在地上打滚。水蜘蛛没逮住。血,一滴一滴在石块上绽放,红得灼目。钓鱼的男孩扔了钓竿,光脚在炙烫的石头上猴跳跑过来。阳光脑子里热烘烘一片白。阳光底下阳光木然站着。他们嘴唇做着各种变形。阳光只听见一大片闹哄哄的风响。他们的表情很着急。阳光觉得头很晕。 这是第一件事。长到那么大,阳光从没想过自己竟能伤害人。但眼睛一闭只要想起那只往下耷拉鲜血喷涌的大拇指,阳光就惊恐不已。阳光对自己说:这种事情以后不允许再有了。阳光是这么做的。但是谁又能防范那些因由无意而犯下的错失呢? 第二件事应当发生在1979年,也是夏天。午后天空咋咋乎乎气势吓人地落了场雷阵雨。风歇雨住云开,碧蓝碧蓝的天空拱起一条七彩虹。美丽的彩虹一端搭在对面山头,另一端向天外伸去。 老人说:去天堂走这道。 天堂啥模样呢? 不愁吃不愁穿,要啥就有啥。 那时阳光还没有光速的概念,但已认准天堂是个好地方。要是走上虹桥登上天堂,该是一件多么美妙的事情!阳光这样想时,眼睛就谗谗地仰看它。 阳光的心思并不只在山外。在平面的二维空间里想象,不安分的他还想向三维飞腾。山外的世界很大,有许多希奇古怪的趣事儿。彩虹那头的天堂很美,美得让人想跳出这个尘世。 阳光早就想去爬一爬彩虹了。 第一次谈论国事。大人说越南鬼子是毒蝎,以前帮它打老美,送了多少粮食和武器。现在反而枪口一转,打我们了。小伙伴几位也就义愤填膺,把越南鬼子臭骂一顿,说他们比毒蝎还黑,良心全让天狗给吃啦!其实连越南在哪都不知道。 骂完之后一抬头,咦,彩虹还在天上挂着呢。 爬彩虹去! 这真是个振奋人心的好建议。阳光的话刚出口,小伙伴立时响起一致的欢呼声。 彩虹的一端悬在对面山头,大家的目标自然就是对面山头。可是,要从这边山腰走到那边山头,可不是吹口气那么轻松的事情。山路很长,高低不平,曲里拐弯。大家得先向山脚走,过溪之后,才能往山顶攀登。小孩子兴致高,又好奇,所以也不在乎脚程长,路难行。一路上有说有笑,净想到天堂后的美事。 溪水已经泛黄。上游雷阵雨比这里势头大、时间长。泥沙俱下,水位缓缓上涨。小伙伴们站在溪边不下水,怕溪水越涨越高,淌了过去回不来。静静的七彩虹仍在天上诱人地悬挂着。阳光下了水,说好的事情怎能翻悔?何况,天堂,正在虹桥的那一端召唤他呢。不去看个究竟阳光实在不甘心。阳光最后气呼呼地冲小伙伴们嚷: 你们去不去? 面面相觑他们没有响应。阳光扳着小脸,神情严肃地说: 你们不去,我自己去! 在小伙伴的目光中阳光一步一步向溪对面走去。 水位越涨越高,流势越来越急。阳光步行的身子开始摇晃,没走出一步都要用出很大的力气。阳光小心翼翼地向前淌着。 有两位小伙伴也下水,加入阳光的行列。 正当他们站立在溪中间的时候,岸上的几位突然叫起来: 彩虹没有了没有了。快回来你们! 眩丽迷人的七彩虹刹那之间消散了开去,象一个转瞬即逝的梦境突然溜走。天空蓝得耀眼,那片清清爽爽水洗过的颜色很安静很神秘地注视着三个在混黄势急的溪水中怔怔出神的小孩子。眼光感到非常遗憾,恍若有失。突然,恐惧疯狂撕扯阳光的心。阳光觉得有股神秘的力量要将他连根拔起,交给水流。阳光的脚板紧紧抵住溪底的石头,不敢移动分毫。溪水越漫越高,不见下降的趋势。水面黄黄的有几处还一圈一圈转着黑色的漩涡,要把阳光跟溪水抵斗的意志尽吸了去。阳光觉得天旋地转,身子从没这么轻过象片叶子一上一下就要漂走。阳光孤立无援号啕大哭了起来。这是阳光第一次对死亡产生恐惧。那一年阳光6岁。阳光是被路过的村人救起的。惊恐不定的阳光被抱上岸后,好半天说不出话。 阳光第一次意识到绝美的东西是要以生命为代价的。6岁那年阳光在水里挣扎的情景在他以后的梦中经常出现。这辈子阳光渴想去天堂,终难如愿,因为他更珍惜自己的生命。既然天堂只是一个美丽的梦想,那么还是到山外去吧。 祖先当年既然把家园安在山里,就注定阳光要为实现自己的理想苦苦奋斗。阳光是不甘心终老天年把看一眼距村庄三十多里地的柏油马路当作最美的想望的。小伙伴们讲他 狂 。阳光觉得很奇怪。他觉得自己并不狂,到山外去,去实现梦寐以求的理想是自自然然的,只要是个人,都会这么做。阳光直到1997年当上中尉警官还不明白为什么这么多年来别人只要一说起他,就讲他 狂 。他爱的和爱他的女朋友也这么讲他。 阳光的故事很贫乏。阳光的舌头天生就不是讲故事的材料。因此很抱歉,阳光的故事你们听起来也不见得怡情悦性。阳光只是阳光,在他对自己名字怀揣无穷无尽光彩夺目的联想的时候,阳光只想着一个事情:我要到山外去。1973年2月27日是一个好日子。这一天太阳从东方升起,阳光笑得很感人,笑得让人心里甜滋滋的象正在谈一场热火朝天的恋爱。 一直到1996年夏天,阳光都是在学校呆的。从农村到县城到上海,从小学到中学到大学。学校是一个大筐子,装了阳光17年的生活内容。阳光经历的东西别人都经历过,阳光没有经历的东西别人早已体验。阳光啊只是阳光,他严格分清白昼和黑夜。阳光只在太阳底下生活。原谅他,我们可怜的饿阳光。命中注定我们可怜的阳光是要四顾茫茫站在那个 循环 的终点。 阳光的一个远房亲戚60年代到了趟上海,回去以后把这当作毕生至上的荣耀逢人就说,一直唠叨到80年代初。他死的时候笑得很满足。老人无疾而终。 阳光已不在意山里和山外的区别。甚至,常常怀念他的故乡。阳光现在知道,只要真正拥有了自己,无论生活在什么地方,都是一样的。大学毕业后阳光到了部队,戍国卫边巡逻在边防线上,今年春节没有回家。阳光对女朋友很好。女朋友夸他一身橄榄绿,很帅!阳光听了很开心。 阳光在阳光中诞生,在阳光底下生活。他很善良,对人仁慈,不愿去伤害任何人。阳光很纯粹,还不知道怎样面对人世间的争斗,他没有防守的能力。现在的阳光不爱多说话。我对阳光说: 你呀你呀,以后该怎么办? 言语之间不胜感慨。 有一个事实是阳光永远不敢面对的。1994年阳光大学放寒假回家,翻看父亲1973年的记事本,2月27日一栏中,父亲用兰色圆珠笔工工整整写着三个字。 生旸,雨 我宁愿相信这是父亲的笔误。爸,您写错了。 阳光他不敢提。 赞 (散文编辑:散文在线) 春之消雪 春之消雪,多了 遥念,欲说还休。遥念,就在那片雪原之上。雪还真是很美,到底是春天… 等待 等待,是一种坚守,执着于某种信念而不离不弃。可能因为某一种承诺,也有可能因为某一… 要善于倾听不同的声音和意见 我于10月6日 发表 了一篇 游记 散文 :《 满眼 秋色 美如画》,不少 文学 网站 得到了… 读《廊桥遗梦》 “当白蛾子张开翅膀的时候,可以来找我,随时都可以”。我想,如果我是一个男人,当收… 从今天开始,我要快乐 很早以前囫囵吞枣读过《呼兰河传》,记得当时心情着实沉重了好久,具体是哪些人物引起… 得病的时日 这两天接二连三的打喷嚏,我说是有人在念我,别人都说我有病,最后医生也说我有…

qiu cheng

(1) Autumn city is not the city of autumn. It is not necessary to understand in this way. I think I just choose a suitable name for the place where the story happened. You don’t have to look for this place on the map. It’s just a proxy name, and you don’t have to worry about it. After leaving that place, I seemed to lose something in my heart. I was at a loss every day, just trying my best to find something that could comfort my heart. I think I failed. I finally didn’t find it. I didn’t find any medicine to pacify my soul, nor did I find anything I lost. However, that’s it. This feeling of emptiness filled my heart and filled my mind, which made me feel that I was still alive. I am alive, laughing bitterly. Facing myself in the mirror everyday, I always feel strange and horrible. Then, is it myself? I asked myself in the mirror like this, but I didn’t get the desired answer. Silence always avoids my questions with silence. I had to pretend my ignorance with silence. The figure wandering between sleeping and waking up brings some loneliness and loneliness. No intersection, no social engagement. Just facing the mirror or the sky through the window. There is no melancholy or sadness in my heart. It seemed that the melancholy and sadness at this moment were not worth mentioning. I gently swept them down with the afterglow of my eyes, and no longer touched them. For a period of time, I doubted whether I had autism, which was so terrible that I locked myself in a room and wouldn’t easily contact with the crowd. The only thing I am familiar with is the sound of the pointer jumping on the ear and the sky outside the window that I have watched for more than a hundred times. Even if you go out occasionally, you still face the passers-by with silence. In the crowd of people coming and going, I felt that kind of unsociable poisonous wine more. When I was drunk in it, I shouted that I would come again before I was drunk. Unexpectedly fell in love with that kind of feeling, after losing the ability of love. A person’s life, a person’s loneliness, self-drinking, self-entertainment. Go to a strange stop without planning in advance, and then just look for a position near the window, sitting foolishly. Don’t talk with strangers. His side face turned outward, and he kept silent all the way, thinking about something that he couldn’t remember. His unrestrained and unconstrained thoughts brought his consciousness to the sky. After waking up in a panic, I realized that there was only myself sitting there persistently in the empty car. He left calmly with a calm look. The illusion that my mind is still immersed in that car. I like that feeling and enjoy it in my spare time just to feel the peace along the way. Waste the leisure time on those strange roads. Even though I had traveled many times on that road, it was still strange and horrible. I forgot to say that the place I left was not Qiu Cheng, and Qiu Cheng was the place I went to later. The place I mentioned was an institution built on the hillside. I forgot when I entered it, but I vaguely remembered that it was in a summer when the weather was hot, sweat flowed through my eyelashes and into my eyes. It was such a hot season. When I left there, I didn’t remember or think about it. I just vaguely felt that I lost a lot of things there. Yes, it is something, physical, ethereal. I can’t remember what I lost any more. I just saw some people laughing and some crying. I just felt puzzled. I don’t think there is anything funny or crying. I just wanted to leave there as soon as possible, but when I hurried out of the door, at that moment, my heart was confused. I quietly raised my head and glanced at the words on the door. Those words were so dazzling, but the sunshine was very dazzling. Those words were indeed more dazzling than the sunshine, which hurt my eyes. I lowered my head in panic, pretending to be looking for something, I am afraid that someone will see my embarrassment. However, I stopped pretending for a moment, because I knew no one would know me, even if I recognized him? Anyway, who knows where to be next moment. Only those words became more and more blurred. Vaguely, just remember the following words. XX sanatorium may be like this, then think so for the moment. As for what the place was for, I probably didn’t remember. My life was always in a daze, but I just remembered that I had several friends there. Friends? Yes, I have friends there. Other things, I don’t know, there seems to be some cold eyes, indifferent snobbish heart. I don’t remember the environment there very much. The only thing I remember is that when it was snowing, the road was covered with snowflakes, and the vast white one seemed so cold and quiet on that hillside. This is the image left to me there. (Ii) The days of leaving the ice city passed quickly. I soon forgot where I am came back. In a period of leisure time, I was confused and sober. In short, I kissed a fresh little day. Soon it was the time when Ye Huang fell down. I decided not to be so idle anymore. I had to do something so that I wouldn’t think about it and get mentally disordered. I was very afraid of those days. Although I was not very clear at that time, I also had my own sorrow. Now think about it, it is good to be a normal person. No longer like a bird locked in a cage, I have the right to freedom, freedom, Long live freedom. Just when I decided to leave for a period of time, I soon left and went to autumn city. Autumn city is a famous city, located in coastal areas, with developed economy, and is a very international metropolis. I didn’t know that I was like a bird, flying from one cage to another, but that Cage was big enough. I can’t find it. Taking a coach, I traveled through several provinces and cities and spent a long night. I didn’t fall asleep in the coach. The excitement in my heart made my nerves in a tense state all the time. I just looked out of the window at the passing lights, trance in the dark night, as if passing through the fairytale country. The city outside the window, thousands of lights, my eyes left a mark without trace on the highway like the night. I sat still for a long time and felt a little uncomfortable. I kept changing my sitting posture. In order to adapt to this situation, my eyes are still watching by the window. There was no bright moon in the night sky, so I couldn’t help feeling sad and hid. There are only some stars shining slightly in the sky. At the very beginning of the day, I have entered the province where the destination is located. I don’t know whether the weather here was originally like this, or whether it was cloudy when I came, with slight mist and haze in the air. It was drizzling, and it looked endless. I just looked out of the window at the house that I had seen in the picture, which was surprisingly white walls and green tiles, and the typical water village buildings, which gave people a dream-like illusion. More reserved and charming in this light rain. I lost my way here, and I didn’t know which direction the car was going. I didn’t care so much. I looked out of the window blindly, hoping to see a beautiful girl with an umbrella. I didn’t know why. In short, I didn’t meet I am, which made me somewhat disappointed. The car shuttles back and forth in this city, passing through the bustling downtown area and seeing more people, which is still not as beautiful as expected, but only some tall buildings. I am not surprised any more than some novelty. After a long night’s running, I felt a little tired and sleepy. I took a nap and missed something. When I woke up again, I was already close to my destination. Got off the car and paused. The strange breath came towards me, a little startled. As the peers walked into that company, the next day was short-term training. After a few days of idleness, they entered the workshop. On a boring day, I walked under my feet nervously and orderly. If you are happy, you will also be criticized. In short, it is a trivial matter. I am used to the hustle and bustle and the worldly wisdom. I began to look for beautiful eyes after those troubles. Yes, I was just looking for a pair of eyes that were clear to my heart, but I became cautious in pairs of eyes. I can’t tell the feeling that I want to kill you at that moment. I will always be scared by being stared. Fortunately, I am found a pair of familiar eyes. Although I didn’t know her, the so-called understanding was only known later. She was not as beautiful as flowers and moon, but she quietly planted a seed of missing in my heart. So that for a long time later, I was in a kind of self-entanglement. The so-called entanglement was just wishful thinking, and finally it turned into memory between that smile. After all, there is no news. So young miss, like a joke, made a beak between partners after dinner. I was still like a familiar and unfamiliar friend passing her every day, and I would be complacent if I got a smile response occasionally. I am like a child who is not familiar with the world. I was so naive that I thought everything would be good. So silly, so naive. There is a entanglement between those things that are not matters, thinking about the quietness of a certain moment. During the period of time, I would also go around with my friends. Walking among the crowd, I would find those long-lost feelings, which seemed to never be forgotten. Therefore, I kept looking around, looking at the surrounding scenery and thinking about some information that came from somewhere without any clue. It seems to be looking for a certain feeling, which is consistent with a certain moment in the dark. I will forget everything at that moment and know nothing. However, there was a special feeling that someone whispered softly in my ears. Tell some very distant things. On the bank of the river, there are always some idle people walking there, maybe they are really idle. I am think like this, seeing foreigners passing by in front of them will not feel strange or novel. I don’t think there is any difference, they are all the same. Sometimes I wonder if I really have something different. Walking like this, walking without purpose, sitting casually when tired, it seems to be very calm, but it is depressed deep entanglement in the inner heart. (3) it seldom snows in winter in autumn city, but it fell several times during the days I stayed. I feel very surprised. Fortunately, the workshop is still warm. I will still see her and her smile. Although I am not laughing for me, I will still feel surprised. She has an ordinary name called Xiaoli. After all, I didn’t walk into her world. At the moment when I was rejected, I didn’t think so anymore. But her appearance was deeply and shallow in her heart. After all, I left in a hurry after a period of peace. When she heard that I was going to leave, she talked to me. I just responded to her lightly that I was going to leave. I really left on the third day. There is a text message on my mobile phone. Liang Sheng, have a pleasant journey, I hope you are happy. I was in a panic, and finally I simply replied to the information. You too, I will think of you. There are also several short messages. The car on the return trip was walking in the night again. I like this color. Like rain, like dark. Was my previous life a Orchid parasitic in the bosom of that tree? The light passed over my expressionless face. I knew this moment clearly. I was melancholy. The weather in the North is bitterly cold in winter. I shivered in the cold wind. Think about some warm things. After all, I think it’s a little simple. I miss the time before, that was in that nursing home. Although life was in a daze, there were still a group of similar people who were at peace with each other and had fantasies of each other in their own Sky. Yes, it is fantasy, and it is children immersed in their own world who can’t find a way out. There, looking for the dawn of hope, fortunately, I came out, after I found myself again. In my opinion, love is the spark in the constant search. People who live are finding each other in the crowd. Although I haven’t found her among the crowd, I will still meet her after all. During this period, there was a period of confusion, and almost fell to the previous situation. I was very scared, but helpless. I always couldn’t help thinking about something that I couldn’t say. In the days when I was at a loss, the nightmare feeling came again. That is, desolate and lonely. (4) in plain days, I am calm and have no mood, but I hope that I can live in the wind. I always look at the sky by accident. The winter sky is so depressed, and there are some light clouds floating in the pale sky. The sun shines faintly, and I hope for warmth. Liang Sheng, happy new year! Text messages always come when I am looking forward to no way to put them down. I opened them and read them. I was very calm and didn’t reply immediately. I don’t know why it is so, isn’t it waiting all the time. It turns out that when the future is unpredictable, the loss of reality will easily lay a person on the ground from the sky. I thought for a long time about the content of the reply. Finally, I simply said a happy new year. After the message was sent, I felt that it was my own passion again. I think too much. I think of an interesting sentence, what is it after the snow melts? It is spring after the snow melts. Maybe it is time that goes too fast, or I always can’t keep up with the pace of time. Anyway, spring is coming. Spring, one spring, I was doing some trivial things in a small factory. It seemed that I closed my senses and locked myself in the cage I set. I replied to the lonely figure before. It is the loneliness and autism in mind. In those days, it was ordinary and hard. I forgot what kind of person I was. I just became a small worker silently. It was a period of life in the bottom society, and the world of Nobody naturally had the happiness of nobody. I still look at the sky from time to time. At that moment, I no longer think of someone. Instead, I was intoxicated by myself in that taste of missing. I thought there was no one to miss. I thought no one would think of me again. I thought softly to a star, thinking about something like a dream. I feel the bitterness and joy, happiness and sadness in life. The ups and downs of melancholy ended what I called on the road when I was lying in a hospital and came to an end. Life was always unpredictable. I lay in the hospital for more than ten days, then went home and had a rest for more than two months. I thought a lot about life, but after all, my cognition was a little shallow. In those days of drifting away, there will always be some benefits that cannot be measured by money. I looked at the sky outside. I thought I would set off again. Next time, I don’t want to go to autumn city any more. I want to go to spring city. Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. Maybe because of a certain commitment, or because of a certain… Be good at listening to different voices and opinions On October 6th, I published a travel essay: “beautiful autumn scenery”, which was obtained by many literary websites… Read The Bridges of Madison County “When the white moth spreads its wings, you can come to me at any time”. I think, if I am a man, be accepted… From today on, I want to be happy I read “the biography of Hulan River” long time ago, and I remember that I was really in a heavy mood for a long time. Which characters caused me… Sick time I sneezed one after another these days. I said someone was reading me and others said I was sick. Finally, the doctor also said I was…