Lost

Today, the weather is not bad, but it is noon, there is a little wind, the sun is hanging in the far Sky, and there will still be slight warmth when it shines on people. In the afternoon, my sister called but didn’t receive something. She said hello on QQ, saying that her grandmother had passed away and she couldn’t respond to it. She felt more strange that my sister was far away from the ends of the world, why was the news so well-informed? I was wondering if it was a rumor. It seemed that my sister heard my sarcasm and confirmed again that yes, Grandma really passed away. I still couldn’t believe it. How could such a sturdy old lady say she would leave just after her 89th birthday two days ago? I chatted with my sister, feeling a little stuffy and uncomfortable. I haven’t seen the old lady for nearly a year. It turned out that on festivals, I would buy some snacks that the old lady could eat to see her. The old lady’s face was quite good, with white and red, it was just because of the stroke seven years ago that my body was half-dead, and someone needed to be around in 24 hours. So in recent years, my father, uncle and aunt took turns to watch around my grandmother, mainly my father and uncle, aunts supplemented. Over the past few years, the old lady has not become thin due to illness. On the contrary, she is much fatter than before due to the careful care of her children, so that when it is convenient, two people are needed to help her, put away bedpan. The old lady finished the convenience, but the person who served him was sweating all over. Every day, the old lady’s meal is changed in different ways, or the Old Lady will lose her temper. In father’s words, the old lady likes popular things, such as dumplings, braised pork, etc., which she will never get tired. The appetite is good, digestion is good, and how do you think it is also a longevity appearance, how is it possible that just after the birthday, it will disappear if you say no? To be honest, I didn’t have much affection for my grandma since I was young, and sometimes I felt bored with seeing each other. When I got married, my grandma, uncle and aunts didn’t show anything, on the contrary, the fourth grandma and several uncles came, and the relationship was indifferent. Even so, in my heart, she is my father’s mother. I hope she will live a long and healthy life, not for other reasons, but only for her being my father’s mother. I knew in my heart that grandma and aunts didn’t like me, and in my heart, I didn’t like them very much, because from them, I couldn’t feel the existence of a little kinship. The love and warmth emitted from their hearts, to be honest, in my opinion, there are not as many neighbors and passers-by. In their eyes, I only see disgust. Grandma is very eccentric and never knows why. My father is the eldest son and grandson. My grandma likes my father very much, but she doesn’t like my father very much. It’s strange, right. I hate my father, I hate Wu and Wu, and I also like my mother very much. After that, I don’t like our siblings any more. I really don’t understand. What kind of disgust or hatred should I have in my heart to treat my grandson and nephew like that? In the heavy snow days, although someone saw the little person who fell down in the snow in the warm house, no one came out to stretch out his hand to hold him. If he was a neighbor or a passerby, he wouldn’t be like this. In this way, the little man was just standing in the threshold with his hands in the snow outside the door, crying and shouting. I didn’t know how long it took until my mother came back from the outside, when I picked up the little person, this pair of small hands turned red with cold. From my mother’s description, when I think of this kind of picture, I will feel stuffy pain in my heart. What kind of disgust and hate is it, so indifferent? In the continuation of indifference, this picture will always be played back in my mind many years later. Therefore, I have been looking forward to growing up quickly and leaving this cold atmosphere far away. It is best not to see them again. Could it be because of this that I was sent to my grandma? My mom said I was very lovely since I was a child. My grandparents liked me very much and took me as a treasure. It was because of my grandparents that I felt warm. At that time, in my heart, grandma and aunt were just a distant name, so far away that I could deceive myself and others. Grandma and Grandpa were my parents, and Grandma’s family was my home, even my real parents seem to be far away from me. When I was going to school, I had to go back to my parents, but everything there made me feel so strange and scared. Seeing grandma and aunts, they walked away like mice seeing cats. I just think that grandma and aunt are not as kind as those on the street. Therefore, try to avoid meeting each other and get bored with meeting each other. Until they got married and became a family, they were also sensible. Although they didn’t want to meet them, they still smiled politely and called each other politely, only etiquette. Later, my grandma got older and my father got older. At that time, I also had my own children. From the aspect of raising my children, I realized that it was not easy for my parents, I realized how much my parents paid to raise a child, and I understood more or less that Grandma didn’t like father in her heart. After all, she raised him and helped him get married, she is also our grandmother. Although there is no emotion, there is only responsibility and obligation left. My grandmother is old, and my father goes to serve her. Although she still had no feelings, she would also support her father to be filial in front of grandma’s bed, and also try to put down the resentment in her heart to see grandma, although not many times: every time she bought some snacks that she liked, sitting in front of her bed, chatting for a while. I think I can see grandma with a plain heart. I always thought that the days would be so plain, year after year. But 2017 was an eventful autumn. At first, when the Spring Festival was approaching, I was out of trouble. My grandma couldn’t go to visit her on her birthday, and I didn’t visit her as usual during the Spring Festival. After lunar January, I was almost healthy, but I couldn’t adjust my mind, so she didn’t go to see her. Later, her mother-in-law was seriously ill in hospital. She was busy getting up early every day to cook nutrition porridge for her mother-in-law, showing filial piety and fulfilling her obligations. After that, her mother-in-law died. From my heart, I have more affection for my mother-in-law without any blood relationship than my grandmother. In the past two decades, I have regarded my mother-in-law as a relative, and we will care about each other. The death of my mother-in-law made me sad and have a good life. Moreover, I couldn’t go to relatives during the period of hot filial piety, so I didn’t go to see my grandmother. I had thought that I would visit her after the hot filial piety, but the news of grandma’s death came. Although I was not very sad, I still felt a little uncomfortable in my heart. Maybe it’s because of blood, I think. Although Grandma didn’t like me and I didn’t like her, her death would still make me sad. How can people be tough? In the end, isn’t it the same destination? Such as Grandma. Last night, I had a messy dream all night: I dreamed that my mother-in-law was pushing a car similar to a sickbed, smiling brightly. I also dreamed that Wei was beside me, and there were my father and mother. When I woke up, I felt very strange, how can people on the eight sides get together in dreams? In reality, my mother-in-law and Grandma didn’t know each other, but grandma was one year older than her mother-in-law, so it was just a little fate. It was not until the afternoon that I received the news from my sister that I recalled my dream, but it turned out that dream was not a dream. Although Grandma doesn’t like me, I still wish her a good journey. If she doesn’t like me, I will never see her again in the next life. In this life, Grandma is still my grandmother, rest in peace! Like (prose editor: Jiangnan wind) the snow in spring Spring elimination snow, multi-the yao nian, unspoken. Reading from afar, it is just above that snowfield. The snow is really beautiful, after all it is spring… Waiting Waiting is a kind of persistence, sticking to a certain belief and never giving up. 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