I lost myself again

Dear friends, I feel lonely, lonely, confused, entangled and desperate at this time. My head is very painful, and my heart is very painful. I feel pain all over my body. I can’t feel sunshine or love. I don’t even know the meaning of my existence. I feel depressed. I don’t know what’s wrong with me? Every morning, I climbed out of bed unwillingly. Simply grooming and then going to work. Although I don’t want to go to work, I need that meager salary to support my family. My steps are very heavy, but I still insist that I have been fighting against myself desperately. When I went through Times Square, I saw cleaning workers working and they were very dedicated. The expressions on their faces were calm and serene. I wanted to smile at them. I tried hard to make this expression. I suddenly found myself numb, and then I forgot who I was. I went to work in a daze and felt very upset. It seems that I have thought a lot of things along the way, and there seems to be nothing to think about. I turned on the computer and found that I hadn’t updated my blog for many days. I felt sorry to care about my friends in my heart. I opened a page and wrote down a question casually. It has been several days since I found that I don’t want to write any more. I have written many articles in the draft, but I am always dissatisfied. I feel that my words are becoming more and more pale and feeble. I don’t know if this is the bottleneck period. Looking at drafts one by one, I found that I had been fond of using lyrics to interpret stories for many days. There were my friends, stories I heard, and sometimes I also had many imaginary plots. But there is always a feeling of plagiarism and patchwork, so I don’t want to publish it out. I am used to opening the prose online and seeing my friends still writing hard. A piece of excellent works came into being constantly. I opened reading one after another and suddenly became a spectator. At this time, I found that I had not felt happy about publishing articles for many days, which should be what I lacked in my recent life. For many days, I was just annoyed and found myself becoming more and more shallow. I know less and less. My heart was very fear. Afraid of wasting time. Holding a lot of books, I want to read this book later and that book later. I want to write this type of manuscript for a while, and I want to write that type of manuscript for a while. There are many articles. After opening the beginning, I put them down again. I suddenly thought of fishing in kitten, which is very similar to my current situation. l over and over again, I think I am a real person, making up stories also needs a life prototype. When writing, there are always many concerns, always afraid that if one day becomes famous, someone matched the people around me and searched for human flesh. Who did you hurt. I am such a mediocre person, always disturbing myself and moaning occasionally without illness. I am don’t want to stop writing, I also want to realize my dream of traveling around the world through it! Maybe I will be 50% of the total. After all, I once worked hard for my dream. In the process of striving for my dream, I urged myself every day, absorbed a little every day, learned a little every day, and made a little progress compared with myself every day. At this time, I remembered the snail, maybe I am in such a state. I was bored with typing words and didn’t know what to say. My heart drifted away and I couldn’t find myself. Dear, can you tell me what should I do? How to become the ideal self, how to become the self that makes me satisfied.

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